(Apologies for lots of grammatical errors, theres lots of matter to tend to atm)
I recorded my weekly entry last night, listened back to part of it, and deduced that I might write up a more formal one. The previous attempt of a journal entry will go into the collection of time capsules that captures and illustrates perfectly where I was at when doing that.
The previous recording was not rehearsed, I was simply running off of a few bullet points I’d taken down, but given I was grappling with a lot of head pain and at least two types of intoxicating pain medication, it was a Sterling effort, the execution of which may only be appreciated by myself or anyone who truly understands the context of this ongoing treatment.
So, like other entry’s, I write this down pre-recording a day later with less pain relieving chemicals in my system, the factors of pain and spinal imbalances I constantly try to asses when planning my days are wide and nuanced and will help inform an essay I’ve yet to complete musing on the subject of pain, that I think is going to be an interesting read, but until that is complete (at a yet confirmed date), My art practise persists, mostly with these weekly entries and some general instagramming. I was however able to brain storm a little this afternoon about all things creative.
The content from said brainstorm involves exciting elements of music and very immersive imagery, but probably the most important outcome of this, is that I have a plan I can actually work with, allowing for the unpredictability of the orthodontic situation.
Make no mistake, this skull widening devise that I’m progressively expanding remains the focal point of my life, I said as much in the previous entry, which will no doubt present as obvious by many entries preceding that, but I’m finding the creative output, however limited, (much like this open journaling I’m doing weekly), preserves a kind of muscle memory, while I prioritise getting past the remaining psychical barriers.
Here’s the thing, I’m fortunate at this moment to have some lucidity in reflection, these points come and go, but fundamentally if I can convey one thing, it’s that every seemingly insignificant thing I can do day to day, adds up in getting through each step of jaw expansion, any and everything that assists myself physically and mentally to handle a little bit more stress and inflammation, gets me closer to the finishing line, every last dreg of imagination and problem solving gets prioritised toward this. So the fact I was able to brainstorm creatively earlier is very significant, thursdays I usually feel like dog shit, because i expand the brace on Wednesday and the pain truly kicks in the following day, I am, no doubt in pain, but the fact it is less than usual for this time could mean, I say tentatively, could mean I’ve surpassed a range of pain, it could mean many many things, that my mind will endlessly evaluate in desperation to utilise it, but what I hope this means is I can increase the rate of expansion again.
So a day has passed since I wrote the previous sentance, and boy was I wrong, the first thing that jumps to mind is that old clique: what a difference a day makes, well in this case, the difference a day makes is that now, today I felt like utter dog shit. Which doesn’t reflect well on my already bad track record of way too optimistic predictions. Fortunately I’m feeling better than that as I write this, which is a low bar to top but there we are.
So ultimately the sentiment here has to remain thankful, but I had to attempt to remark properly on this afternoons condition because I’d never felt quite like it, my best theory is maybe I came down with something else minor that just dragged me into an unwelcome fatigue that made the standard orthodontic pain and discomfort fucking unbearable.
Once again a day has past since I last left off writing, my condition is considerably better than it was, and I wish I could find time to talk about something else, so I may as well have a go now just in case more unpredictability ensues.
I’m working on a new animated loop, I think I started it a while ago, It’s somewhat based around proto language symbols, the context behind it is interesting, but I had net prepared an explanation. It’s funny how it only occurred to me to mention that now and I already feel exhausted and want to complain about my brace again.
So progress is being made, at an extremely slow pace.
And in closing this so ends another week, as I begin to feel tolerable and enthusiastic again, Wednesday morning looms it head and so the cycle of weekly expansion repeats. Thank you for tuning in, fuck knows why you would but I feel like it’ll pay off for both of us in some way.